Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
FUCK WHALES
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
