the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
