Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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