I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
