I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I believe in your delicious
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
