I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
