so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
