Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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