Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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