I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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