My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
