I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
