My liver just broke up with me...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
being pregnant is like rehab
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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