I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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