Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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