i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
