Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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