I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
