Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
