My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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