I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
