My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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