I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
