super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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