idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
