it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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