She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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