never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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