why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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