my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
