Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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