so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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