I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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