I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
