so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
