i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
