i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
