ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
