I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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