Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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