i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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