I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
