Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
