my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
