last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
