She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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