Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
