the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
