If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
