U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
