Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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