pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
